The Truth Fairy: Stories, Fibs, and Tall Tales that We Tell Our Children
Grounding children on the truth helps them to appreciate better the stories they hear and read. It's good to discuss stories with kids as a way to bond, and—more importantly—to anchor them to fundamental truths.
CARE
Nicole Lasam
5/8/20253 min read
A new friend who also happened to be a mom got me thinking about the truth and the stories that we tell our children. We were talking about one of the little ones having lost a tooth, and I asked her if she has told them about the tooth fairy. She said, actually, no, because the story is not true anyway!
That stuck a chord with me. It got me thinking about the thin line between stories and fibs... and when does it qualify as a lie rather than just a story? To clarify, I did tell my children about the tooth fairy: that when you lose a tooth, you can put it under your pillow, and the next day the tooth fairy will have exchanged it with a coin. We tried it for fun but with a clear explanation that the tooth fairy is me (or their father). The first time, it was just funny. The succeeding teeth, however, encountered a holiday happy tooth fairy who forgot to claim the treasure under the pillow. Whenever I failed to get the tooth and leave the coin, the child concerned complained to me and I had to say sorry that I forgot to do it. So, I suppose you can say that the funny story became boring and disappointing in the end.
Fact and fiction
As a family, we love to read, so stories of fiction and what they propose are part of our discussions. A favorite book by Richard Scarry had a story called "Good Luck in Rome." The story talked about the Trevi fountain, into which people threw coins "for good luck." Is that true? Well, I had to tell them the actual story is that people threw coins into it to "make sure" they go back to Rome. I had to explain that it's a superstition, which is something believed by people but is not based on any fact or evidence. We all supposed that even if you didn't throw a coin into the Trevi, you could always decide to buy a ticket and go back to Rome.
Another story parents always tell the children and think nothing of is that of Santa Claus. I cannot say that all those who do it should stop now and tell the truth because I know that the story of St. Nick has its roots in culture. One of my favorite writers, Tolkien, wrote letters from Santa to his children.
In the Philippines, though, the story doesn't really resonate because we don't have chimneys. I don't want to tell my children about Santa Claus not finding our house because we have no chimney, or because the Philippines is too far from the North Pole, or any other wild (creative?) explanation. So instead, we focus on the life story of St. Nicholas of Bari. It's nice that we have a book on him, which explains the story behind Santa Claus being associated to anonymous gifts stuffed in stockings. Instead of zeroing in on the gifts, the stockings, or the flying sleigh, I get to point out the generosity of St. Nicholas, which is something crucial to talk about, especially around Christmas time.
Imagine santa visiting a tropical country... his attire simply won't do in this heat, even in december!
The truth of the matter
What am I getting at? Stories are fun, and sharing them with kids is a good way to know what (and how) they think. But more than the stories, the children need to have a good grasp of the truth, true concepts, and true stories. They can tell the difference between fact and fiction, which helps them to read and appreciate both bedtime stories and non-fiction books with no trouble at all.
As a parent, my job is to make clear the difference between what is true and what is not; to affirm that there are fundamental truths (and no such thing as "your truth and my truth"); and, like the sentiments of my new friend mentioned earlier, to lay it out frankly from the get-go. Processing stories, fibs, and tall tales vis-a-vis the truth with children is an investment now so that in the future they know how to dissect what they read and hear on their own, without being confused. The effect is, ideally, that they make better, more confident decisions throughout their lives, which is more than what any parent can hope for.