On Family and Our Contribution to Society

As a big family, we hear different opinions on the size of our family wherever we go. Some would greet us with a laugh; they’re happy that there are still families with more than two or three. Some wonder how we can handle four littles. A funny comment came from a mom who said, “Your house must be lively!”

I find it funny that two generations ago, this was not out of the norm. People just had more than four children. Actually, four was deemed small by family size standards back then. But nowadays, having three is already many, so what more four?

Since 2023, the fertility rate of the Philippines has reached below replacement fertility. The main reason seems to be finances, as the linked Philippine Institute of Development Studies (PIDS) article above notes that “the primary driver behind the country’s fertility decline in the last 50 years is the enhancement of material measures of well-being, with marriage and contraceptive uses playing secondary roles.”

Times have changed

In the last 50 years, people have changed their mind on their ideas of comfort, luxury, needs, and wants. You can see it in the advertisements of goods and services: more seem to be about rewarding oneself, deserving things, giving in to cravings, or enjoying a fleeting thrill—even to the point of borrowing money to achieve it.

It makes one wonder if this change has driven us to shift our focus on what we strive for in life. There is so much emphasis on having: on amassing wealth, earning enough to travel, or having the biggest, most expensive collection of whatnot. This shift has made people—especially young people—forget to ask: what am I called to do?

A calling

The meaning of life, life’s purpose, finding your path. This is usually something we must discover early on. Some people are called to stay single, others are called to be married, and for those who marry, most are called to have children. Then there are those who raise children without a spouse for different reasons; still, it is a life path that is taken. The number of children a family has is part of that calling. Many or one, or none, that’s the particular calling of the spouses.

How do you know if you’re called to welcome many children? In an interview for Buhay Bahay, a radio talk show on DZXL News 558 AM (replayed on December 14, 2025), mom of nine, Gina Kranenburg, explains that husband and wife should talk about it when they tie the knot.

“Be united with your husband,” she advises, noting that the idea of welcoming many children can really be a source of fear at the start: how can I make ends meet? What happens to my time? But, looking back, she points out that the fear dissipates.

She quips, “Hindi naman sila sabay-sabay.” (The babies won’t come all at the same time.) “To me, joy trumps everything,” Gina continues. “May mga kasayahan that you can’t base on comfort or economy.” (Happiness is not just based on comfort or economy.)

Missing

I think this is what’s missing today: our generation and the ones that come after us have put so much weight on material goods as a measure of happiness that the happiness of simply following the family way (and everything that it entails) does not look as interesting in comparison.

For now, we are fortunate that our culture is still about family and nurturing; I think it is evident in the way people welcome us—a big family—in parties, in church, and other events. My aunt often tells us that having four is only really difficult at the start; but before you know it, the older ones can help at home. I see this with my friends who have more children, and those whose children have grown up.

Finances and raising a family

What doesn’t change in difficulty, I suppose, is making ends meet. In fact, the more we are, the more we spend on food and material needs. We send more children to school, we clothe more children, we do more laundry, we eat more. Which is probably why having a big family is becoming a less attractive proposition. But, come to think of it, this is not new—it has always been this way! The shift is in the attitude of young people towards having less for themselves and giving more to others.

There is a quip that goes, “Children drive you crazy, but they also keep you sane.” I think this helps parents (in general, not just parents of many children) to keep at a certain level of sobriety. What I mean by that is that kids can help their parents stay on a certain path because somehow there is a mission involved—that of raising and educating their children to be good people and contributors of society.

That means we can think twice about spending on sundry, so we can put a little more budget on healthy and nutritious food, which is more expensive than instant meals. We can also celebrate birthdays in a simpler manner, by eating out together and giving simple loot bags for their classmates in school instead of hosting a party. Fun days at the park are a free alternative to the gaming arcade or movie house—and are more memorable, I think!

Get back to the basics

A Big Read story for Channel News Asia covers the issue of many people stopping at one child—which begs the question of how to solve the problem of the growing elderly support that must be tackled at the government level. It is a puzzle that more governments (including ours) will be trying to solve 10, 20, or 30 years down the road. (Actually, it seems we have started already.)

For now, on the ordinary citizen scale, what we individuals can do is to try to reform the mindset we have acquired in the last 50 years so we can shift out of this desire of accumulating more just for the sake of it. Instead, let’s return to discerning our personal calling—whether it is raising a family or, being single, contributing to the community by being generous with one’s time and talents.

"It makes one wonder if this change has driven us to shift our focus on what we strive for in life. There is so much emphasis on having: on amassing wealth, earning enough to travel, or having the biggest, most expensive collection of whatnot. This shift has made people—especially young people—forget to ask: what am I called to do?"